Ultimate Fighting Championship
Every fan and fighter is Uniquely Fucking Crazy
Me? I am sitting back, enjoying the view.
Powerful AKC
I crossed paths with a litigious little loser
She’d already won one case that was written up in the newspaper and she could sue me too
As I did wrong by her on several occasions.
She also did wrong by me and many others. I was very mad about it.
I thought about asking the others to join in on a class action counterclaim with me.
Ultimately, I didn’t think it was worth it, because I have only half a law degree and don’t know the ins and outs of the legal system. My potential co-defendants had lives to live and participated in time-consuming hobbies. One was a dancer and one made films. We had no proof in writing and no real evidence. But nothing could stop me fantasising about my day in court.
There are many half-finished law degrees out there. If I could only bend the rules and partner with someone who also had half a law degree to form a whole lawyer, I’d be fine. I would like to be half a lawyer, only wearing one professional shoe, leaving room for the other foot to wear something else.
I would only have to wear half a suit and work half the day.
Some people might prefer to have two ‘half-lawyers’ in the same way they prefer a ‘half-n-half pizza’.
Also, clients could automatically get a second professional opinion without paying for it.
On the first day of law school, the Dean told us to look to our right, look to our left, look at yourself. Dean said “only one out of three will survive this degree.”
After thinking of the time I met Australia’s Justice Kirby and noting his name’s resemblance to the video game franchise character ‘Kirby,’ I was lead to question how many video game characters share their name with judges.
There is no research into this. For all I know, this is the only time in history that a judge and a video game character have shared the same name.
On my last day of law school, I travelled one hour each way to a catered prestigious scholarship presentation. I didn’t know at the time that this would be my last day of law school, I made the decision to leave during the holiday break that followed, and I can technically resume my study at any time.
The Australian Fulbright representative was looking for “excellent extroverts. Not a nerd who locks themselves away in their room.”
I met an old Rhodes Scholar who, despite everything, still hadn’t done particularly well for themselves.
On this same day, my dog died at age 14.
Everything dies: a pimple, a flower, a big company.
I bought tissues to comfort myself but couldn’t break my handkerchief habit. It was comforting to put all snot together.
Hellman
I am so smart that my head is hurting physically
I am not the smartest in Melbourne, although I wrote that I was in a 2015 self-published book
I am the only person like me in Melbourne, and perhaps the world
I am smart in a unique way that is not yet apparent to me but may reveal itself later
Who knows how I would score in an IQ test?
I am not going to take an IQ test unless I become a TV presenter filming a documentary on Mensa
I am curious and sincerely respect anyone who questions the elite and Bohemian Grove
I am fascinated by the idea of repeating an IQ test over and over and by mass satanic rituals
I am feeling both possessed and possessive
Everything seems very eerie, eek!
I do not feel as though I am in my own self… Malfunctioning… Now I have been programmed to inform you that Coco Chanel was the founding member of the global elite as we know it today… Don’t ask me what that’s about, don’t make me explain it. You think you are high but you can always be higher.**
Anna Crews lives in Melbourne, Australia. Her work was most recently included in The Fanzine’s Late Winter Poetry Edition, edited by Aurelia Guo.
